Five Rainbows in One Day.

A few years ago my Grandad passed away, he only came into our lives a few years before that, but I am glad we had the chance to meet him. Just before he passed away I wrote him a card, inside this card I had drawn a rainbow, and alongside that rainbow I had written 'Everytime I see a rainbow, I will think of you'.

Shortly after he died, on occasions where I began to feel low, a rainbow would appear. There were even times when I would look up to the sky and say 'please grandad can I have a rainbow today', and at some point during that day a rainbow would appear.

Well the other day I did just that, I was feeling a little low and I thought to myself I wish a rainbow would appear to show me that everything will be ok, and a few days later not one but five rainbows appeared, and I even managed to get the picture i've always wanted - a rainbow over a massive oak tree.

I don't understand why it is that when I was in a relationship for four and a half years, I had almost zero interest from other men. Which looking back at; the relationship was not working and i really could have done with some temptation to get out of the relationship. Whereas now i'm recieving almost too much interest from different people, I guess it could be due to the fact that some of these people knew I was in a relationship before, and therefore didn't bother showing an interest, however if i'm honest most of these guys didn't even know me when I was in a relationship.

Don't get me wrong the attention makes me feel good about myself, because when my ex split up with me, the way he did it left me feeling really low about myself, like I wasn't good enough for anyone I suppose.

I guess the negative of this is, i'm seeing someone so I feel like I shouldn't be getting attention, and I  don't like letting people down because I feel horrible, I also find it hard to say no to meeting up with them, as they may just want to meet up to get to know me as a friend, which would be nice because i'm a friendly person and enjoy getting to know people. So if thats the case, replying with I can't because i'm seeing someone, may be a bit embarrasing.

I believe that everything in life is set out, and what happens is meant to happen, but how are you supposed to know what path to take, what chances to make, and what chances to avoid?

Dark mornings and dark evenings - I am definately not a fan of winter. It took me so long to get motivated to get out of bed this morning. I'm pretty sure I suffer from seasonal affective disorder, I don't want to bore people by going into detail about what it is but its very common, and basically its when a person feels down in winter due to lack of sunlight. I just really want it to be summer, i'm starting to get really confused about certain things, like one day i'm sure what I want, and then a couple days later i'm unsure. I put it down to the weather, but I just wish everything was simple sometimes, but I guess things are made complicated to test out strength to cope with things.

Yesterday one of the things my horoscope said for me to do was to have a nice lunch, so today I had a sandwich, a big packet of white chocolate buttons, and a packet of strawberry laces, shared with my friend Vicky, during our lecture. I walked round sainsburys for ages and I decided to pick the first thing I fancied, unfortuantely everything I fancied required a spoon, which I didn't have, apart from the big thorntons cake, but that would just be really greedy.

I was on the train this morning writing up my lecture notes about how a child's environment during early years strongly effects their adult life, and how childhood exposure to dysfunctional households can cause medical disorders in adulthood, when ironically sitting opposite me was a mother that shocked me by the way she spoke to her daughter that looked as though she was only just two. This is what she said to her little girl:

"Coh your a miserable COW aren't you". - At this point the girl wasn't doing anything wrong, in fact all it looked like was she wanted a little bit of affection from her mum.

Her mum then proceeded to say "Do you know what your auntie is, shes a bitch! that's right a bitch. So is your auntie Karen, a bitch. Can you say bitch?"

Things like this make me angry, I know people that can't have children, and people like this woman on the train don't deserve to have children!

Work Overload.

Well today i've felt a tiny bit stressed with the amount of work i've got to do, and I am on day three of uni. I feel as though I've overloaded myself on things to do, when i'm not at uni, im at work which leaves little time to do much else, as when I get home I should be writing up notes and doing extra reading along with coursework. But I have decided that even though I have minimal time as it is, I am still going to try and do the things i enjoy, like meeting up with friends, and writing on here.  Although sometimes I find myself asking whether things will work with a certain someone, but I guess if both people want it to work, and if it's meant to work then it will, right? 

I just wrote the previous paragraph and thought I'd check out my horoscope, to see if there's is anything worth mentioning about it and funny enough it sums up everything i've just mentioned about how I'm feeling:

"Are things getting a little bit crazy, Virgo? Too many tasks and too many people vying for your attention could have your nerves stretched as taut as violin strings. Try to get outside for a while. Treat yourself to a nice lunch or do a little shopping. Take a good long nap. Whatever seems so urgent isn't worth sacrificing your peace of mind. Try to stay focused!"

So .... shopping, a big bar of chocolate, a nap, and a walk down the country lanes it is then!

The Start of 2nd Year.

Well I was lying in bed asleep dreaming about something that I no longer remember, when my alarm went off playing Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon, and I jumped out of bed and was ready to go (not quite that literally) but I definately felt motivated for the day ahead and an hour later I headed off on the train to Bristol. It was quite an interesting train journey, a few seats ahead of me was a girl and a guy a similar age to myself, and I could hear everything they were saying to one another the whole way to Bristol. Recently I've been watching the last Lost series on DVD and for some reason I thought to myself, since I can hear everything they are saying, and there was no way of not hearing them as I had forgotton my Ipod, wouldn't it be really annoying if they started talking about what happened on Lost, and sure enough a couple minutes after I had that thought, they started talking about ... Lost.

Previous to today I was a bit worried about going back to uni after having 4 months off. I thought it would take me a while to get back into the uni life and I was almost certain I'd get lost as I'm not the best of people when it comes to directions and finding things, as any of you that know me will know too well. However, it turns out I was wrong again :). I found the room straight away and this time I was the one telling others where it was rather than the one asking for directions.

10/10/10

It's just occured to me that today is actually the 10/10/10, which I will never experience again in my lifetime. I've had an enjoyable 10/10/10, it's been a very nice day so i'm happy. The day doesn't end untill midnight, so hopefully theres more happiness to come.

A New Chapter.

I've been feeling a bit fed up these past couple of days, and haven't had much inspiration for writing. But this morning I woke up and felt alot more positive about things, besides I didn't have much to be fed up about anyway, yes there are still things that confuse me and I would perhaps like to change but it's nothing to worry over and in time maybe they will change in one way or another, and if that change isn't what I want, I'm going to stay strong, because what doesn't happen, was not meant to be.

Turns out I had every right to wake up feeling positive as today was a lovely day. The sun was shining in October which I didn't expect so that made me happy. I went for a nice walk with Tom in the afternoon, got back home went upstairs and just as I was about to write a blog entry about how the day has been nice so far and also make a start on my uni work, I heard my nans voice downstairs, she had surprised us by coming round unexpected which was nice.

We then all went for another walk to see the ponies, which my nan loved, and this time about ten ponies came over at once so we fed them lots of apples. And in about ten minutes time i'm going to have a nice roast dinner.

I feel like im going through a new chapter in my life, I was in the old one for far too long, everything was the same and nothing was unexpected. Yesterday I was feeling negative, today I'm feeling refreshed and happy :) with a sense of positivity about life. 

So for today its been ..

Uni work = Little.
Happy times = Lots.

xxx

The Unexpected.

Very often it's the unexpected that puts a smile on our face. I believe that if we do not expect things, we tend to be more appreciative when or if they do happen. Whether that be an unexpected call from a friend you haven't heard from, a stranger that smiles as they walk past, or meeting someone new.

When I was feeling sad a couple months back, I found it was the unexpected that made me happy, like this little guy named Jack:

Obviously I didn't expect a baby sparrow to come and start feeding from my hand, and the reason this made me so happy is because it's not your every day kind of event, in other words it was unexpected. So the point of this post is basically to say, you can't go looking for the unexpected otherwise it wouldn't be unexpected when or if it did happen, but my advice to people out there is, do not search for happiness something will come around when you least expect it too.

 Unfortunately little Jack died after a few days. In life everything comes to an end but there will always be another unexpected happy event waiting round the corner, as I have experienced and am still experiencing myself.

Horoscope

I read my horoscope today and found it quite moving so I thought I'd share it with you;

Within the comfort of your home, and wrapped in the arms of a warm evening, your insecurities will unwind and fall away. Allow your worries to melt like butter in a pan, becoming delicious and rich rather than a scorching nuisance.

Sleepless Nights and 3 year olds that say the Funniest Things.

I've had a good day today, despite being awake untill 4 this morning, and then waking up at about 6 nearly falling out of my double bed with my head at the wrong end. I'm usually a normal sleeper, I fall asleep as soon as i hit the pillow, and stay in that position right through till the morning, but not last night, something was keeping me awake and i'm not sure what.

I was supposed to be going to a uni meeting today but instead I went to see my nan and my cousins. I decided to look through some old photos with my 3 year old cousin and came across a photo of our aunty sunbathing in a bikini. My cousin looked in disgust and asked me who it was in the photo, and when she heard my reply she looked shocked and replied with, why has she got no clothes on?!? I told her that she was wearing a swimming costume because she was sunbathing at the beach, and her once again shocked response was 'but what if someone saw her?'

Every mistake, every tear we've cried all happens for a reason. Theres many mistakes that I have made in my life that in all honesty I don't regret because I feel that perhaps if I didn't make those mistakes then I wouldn't be the person that i've become now. I believe we all learn from our mistakes, and it's the learning from them that helps build us into a much stronger person. I was having a conversation with someone this evening and he said something along the lines of 'life could be all set out for us, it might feel like were making decisions but actually were just following a path that was already made for us'. I believe that this is true, I feel that everything happens for a reason, and if sometimes you feel like your going off track, life will sort itself out again and there will be a much happier and better outcome waiting around the corner.
Just thought i'd share a few of my thoughts before I sleep. It's strange because i'm usually a really sleepy person, but tonight i'm quite happy to stay awake, I think the happiness im feeling is keeping me awake.

I found this picture on my laptop that I took a couple weeks ago. When I look at it it reminds me of when I was younger and I was told to blow all the seeds away and make a wish ... If i had a wish right now, i'd wish to stay this happy.

What would you wish for?

Excitedness.

I'm actually really excited about life at the moment. I used to get quite excited about the future alot, but recently I've been more excited about the present rather than looking into the future all the time, which I think is a good thing, because maybe looking into the future too much just simply means that your not completely satisfied with the present.

I went to the fair yesterday which happens once a year over a couple of days. It was ok, but once you've been going every year for many years nothing really changes, and apparently its been going on for 800 years! I seem to have become scared of rides, when I never used to be and last night I nearly fell out of a ride that my sister described as a baby ride. I also got chance to meet up with a few friends that I haven't seen for a while which was nice.

I had a great day today seeing a certain someone, and I actually haven't stopped smiling since :D - Yes I am talking about you if you're reading this post :).

'Live for the present, because there will be a time in the future where you'll look back at the past and think, I wish I enjoyed myself alot more back then - the futures yet to come but you'll never get these days back.'  - Ella

Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.--Oprah Winfrey