It's not the end.

I'm Ella-Louise, but everyone calls me Ella :) or sometimes I get called El, or by family and people close to me its Ella Bella :D and i've just recently turned twenty. Recently i've felt inspired to start writing my feelings on life and my life experiences and I thought why not share it with everyone :).

A couple of months ago, I went through something, which now seems minor compared to what other people have to go through. But at the time it felt like the worst thing ever. Ive come out the other end now and I feel im stronger as a person, which is why I'd like to share my story.

It started off as a really nice morning, the sun was out and it would have been the perfect day to spend at the beach. So I text my boyfriend of four and a half years asking if he'd like to spend the day doing something nice as it was a really hot day.

The reply I got was:

Thank you very much, youve done a brilliant job in waking me up. I didn't get home till 3 this morning. Im not driving you anywhere now.

At first I thought it was a joke untill he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. Sounds childish right? Well he's 23, clearly he needs to do some growing up.

Well for the millionth time I let him walk all over me and I apologised. He had none of it, and thats when I got the text saying we were finished, explaining that everything was my fault.

I knew something wasn't right and I had a instinct that the only explanation that it could be was that he was seeing someone else, because as far as I was concerned we were happy, and I know I shouldnt have, but I checked his emails, which is where I found emails from his 'new' girlfriend. Turns out all it took was a couple pictures of a girl in her underwear and he was off.

So yes I was cheated on, and a horrible text was all i got after 4 and a half years, a text that read 'Don't you get it Ella were finished, get over it.'

I wasn't a very confident person anyway but this just made me feel worthless. I loved him so much and to know that he didn't care about me enough to break up with me in person destroyed me. I'd understand it if i was really horrible, but I did everything for him, and anybody that knows me will know that i've never got a bad word to say about anyone.

I cried everyday for almost 3 weeks, I couldn't eat properly in fact I ate hardly anything and I was loosing so much weight when I really didn't need to, I had all the support around me yet I felt so lonely, all I wanted was him back in my life.